move on and find your happiness

Time will heal...

Hello November…

1st November marks a new beginning of me. This date is particularly special because I would say that I was reborn but stronger. This was the day when I started a new life, found myself and moved on to a new chapter. I learned to let go and be an independent woman that knows what she wants. I am glad for everything that has happened. It’s not easy but you have to decide what’s best for you.

I had been through so much in life. It’s not always beautiful and will never be. Life is not about dancing in the garden full of flowers, sliding down the whimsical rainbow and smiling as bright as the sunshine. Sometimes you need to go through a severe storm to survive. Nothing comes easy. Every now and then we will be tested, confronted and cried our heart out. Without bitter trials, you will never learn how strong you are and appreciate yourself more. Life is about survivability. When you feel there's no hope and you're dying inside, you know that you need to get out of the suffering. A heartbreak can cause intense emotional pain as if your heart was literally shredded into a million pieces. You need to pick up all your broken pieces, try to put them back and live again.

I used to think that I could not live without the love I had before. I used to think that I won’t be able to find happiness after losing it to someone else. I could not imagine how hard it’s going to be alone. The thing is, we are always afraid of losing someone, losing money or privilege of life. But we never seemed to care why all these happen to us. Things happen for a reason, as people say "every cloud has a silver lining" you will get something good even in the most unfortunate events.

I still remember that I had thoughts to quit my job, to start a new life far from where I am. I was afraid to face the reality that I will be alone. I think too much about how people think of me. How people could be so mean and judgmental. It is fairly common that people like asking questions or even worse, they make assumptions. How do I react if people show that they feel sorry for me?

I can’t take it when people feel sorry for me, isn’t weird? I personally think the sympathy expression portrays my weakness and vulnerability (that I’m not proud of). I appreciate people to act normal, not asking too many questions and treat me in a positive way like nothing has happened. Despite all the struggles, I am still here. I didn’t quit my job. I face the reality and surprisingly it’s not bad at all. I face people and to my surprise, I do not care what they think about me anymore. I just want to live happily, I want to prove to people that I am standing strong on my own and take charge of my life. Nothing can stop me and nothing can bring me down again.

It’s been two years. I am more than happy now. I, myself sometimes couldn’t believe how I have been so cool coping and dealing with sorrow, loss and grief. I am feeling grateful for all the life lessons because these invaluable lessons taught me to be a better individual. The struggles could actually bring out your inner strength; the despair would help to bring out the best in you more than you think.

A pain could mean a new gain.

A loss could potentially lead to a new love.

A moment of sad tears sometime brings tears of joy for years.

So I feel like sharing tips to move on and be happy. This is how I practice in dealing with the love-life crisis.

  1. Accept the fact that he is no longer in love with you. Learn to let go slowly, cry and shout if necessary because it will make you feel better. When you are finally exhausted from crying and done with emotions, you will automatically realize that this disappointment and grief will not change the fact that he left. You will (trust me when I say this) you will be a new person with a strong determination to be HAPPIER even without your ex.
  2. Get rid of everything that makes you remind them. Do not go to the places you two usually spent time with (maybe temporarily), delete all photos of your ex (and you two together) from your phone, desktop or any possible media. Those memories are not worth keeping because they choose to walk away from you rather than creating new memories together.
  3. Find hobbies. Try something new in life that you have always wanted to try before. I tried super fun parasailing with my BFF, and now I can cross parasailing off my bucket list. FYI, he’s afraid of heights, so I didn’t get a chance to do it. Haha. I continue traveling with friends and family, make new friends and discover new places.
  4. Seek support. Surround yourself with supportive and positive people. Remind them to not be talking about your past, your ex or any kind of bad memories. You know what kind of people will uplift your spirit and help you to move forward right?
  5. Always have faith. I personally spent most of the time sobbing my heart out to the Almighty, I always submit du’a to Allah s.w.t. to heal this heart and to strengthen my will to move on. Remember this, “Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find peace”. I usually go to the mosque after work, listen to tazkirah for self-reflection and seek the purpose of life. Honestly, even going and sitting at the mosque alone keep my heart calm, this helps to attain acceptance.
  6. Improve your self-esteem. Do not blame yourself for everything. It’s not your fault that he loves someone else. It’s not your fault the relationship did not work. It’s not only you that need to fix things and to change for him to love you back. There are no requirements in love. A relationship works because we accept each other whole-heartedly and sincerely. If you believe there are certain standards to comply in a relationship, you shall thoroughly design your partner by yourself and see if all the requirements are met!
  7. Change your mindset. Keep this in mind. “It’s your loss, you actually are not good enough for me and I definitely deserve better”. Think carefully, has he ever been so great to you all this while? There were times you guys had the argument and he had done wrong or hurt you, but you have always accepted him and loved him with all your heart. You know nobody is perfect and love is not about finding perfection. A real relationship is when two imperfect people perfectly love each other.
  8. Exercise, stay healthy and be beautiful. Daily exercise helps you to stay fit and makes you happy. Do you know that a work out releases happy chemicals into your brain? This is known as dopamine, a chemical that plays a role in happiness for feelings of pleasure. Nothing beats a great feeling of self-empowerment. The best revenge is to look fabulous and make them regret for being stupid enough to not notice how beautiful you are inside out.

Do not lose hope when you experienced the unrequited love and the vulnerable pain, because things will work out perfectly for you at the right time. You will find the love of your life someday, In sha Allah. When you are at your worst, he sees you at your best. I believe in this, “Indeed what is to come will be better for you than what has gone by – Quran 93:4.”

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